Dad, I received a mail from a college for the admission in the same. Father didn’t reply, my face was full of burden and frustration. That was not because I was not able to score good marks in joint entrance exam after preparing in so-called educational hub Kota for three years.Burden lines can be clearly seen on my face because of that self-frustration, demotivation and that heavy depression which was then on the top.Because at that time when I was leaving from Kota I thought that I had ruined my life, I had lost my golden chance to study engineering from a well-recognised college. It didn’t mean that I had not studied, or I had done something other than studies, I had done hard work par with my capabilities. I studied for 15 hrs. But I think there was a lack of hard work, something more needed to crack the exam and that’s why I failed. But the most disturbing thing was that I started doubting myself, I had lost faith in myself, lost the confidence that was my real power before going to that educational hub. That person who knows all the things was only and only me.The feeling was like- I had done a serious crime and no one knows it. But now I am feeling bad for that crime which I didn’t commit willingly.Now it’s afternoon, we were having our launch. I had no wish to take the launch but mom came back to me as always. The problem was at this time when I was passing through heavy mental disorders. It was like if I started watching something then for around 1hr I was continuously still watching it with a blank mind. But there was someone in my home who was understanding my pain without saying, yes, of course, she is not a highly educated person or a doctor but my mom. She is a simple villager lady, but still, she was getting all of the things which were happening inside my heart.I was eating Aloo Paratha a favourite dish of mine when my father asked me by making his face deliberately angry “what were you saying at morning” ,I was about to take the bite of that last piece of aloo paratha , I put it down, and went into silent mode ,Then he again asked “Ramji I am asking you something “.I was a little bit angry with my father because of that morning when I had told him about this and he didn’t respond.I opened my mouth. A bit of anger can be seen on my face that time.With little bit arrogant, I replied “I didn’t want to do anything “I am useless “why you people invested on that horse which was not capable to win in the race. My eyes were the little bit wet and now I didn’t have control over my tears.The tears were dropping from cheers slowly to earth by crossing that launch plates from which I was eating just before a minute. My Father who was sitting in front of me started laughing.Said Ramji Come on you are not a child-man. You are weeping like a 5yrs old baby, I was going to reply some but when I took my head up, there was something in father’s eyes, oh no he was weeping… what ?it is impossible !! I was thinking that a person who always stood straight on those milestone problems is now weeping, actually, he was laughing just to hide his tears which were generated after seeing my tears, that was the day. From that day, I asked myself a question “will I able to be like my father“.Next moment he stands up and made me stand up and took me to his arm and said “Ramji no matter how much I had invested on that coaching of JEE and I don’t care about that. Either you are selected or not but my dear son my real power was, is and will be you. I am proud of you that you are my son and you are born to be great ,and I believe you will definitely achieve at that place of success where I can’t even imagine,don’t think you are useless and don’t feel bad “All the things are happening to you just for the sake of goodness of yourself ” and remember this no matter how much I am angry with you I am and will be proud of you and you are priceless man.
Tears rolled down on the shirts, then we moved on to the room, took deep breaths, and father asked me so what’s the plan. I started telling him that I got a college in Jaipur Rajasthan. So, father’s first questions were what is the name of the college?
Read And Yes, I fall but you failed EP 1 by clicking this link
– Ramkinkar das Tripathi
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* Special thanks to my friend Shubhali Raj for editing this story and removing my grammatical errors from this post.
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