Do you think I should write this? Right now I am fighting with myself to write this….No, you shouldn’t, my instinct warned me.
Are you Completely out of the mind !! No, hold on. The actual message was… Are you Completely out of your mind !! Yes, this message just popped on my WhatsApp screen.The situation was already tensed but this made my eyes to flow in full velocity of light because the heart was already crying before this.You know the problem with you Ram is that you are a f***ing emotional fool. My instinct gave me a befitting reply when I was trying to console myself and expecting same from my instinct to support me emotionally. But Is she right ?? A Question popped this time in my mind. I centred my eyes on that dark room’s fan which is merely visible but don’t know how am I able to count all those blades at this time which is running around 300 rotations in one minute.I was thinking that I have been given supernatural powers by the god. I mean how can I see a fan blade so clearly like when the fan is stopped. Instinct arose from the dark silence and said you have become the mad man. Just stop this bullshit love, Lesage . Hey, don’t interrupt me when I am thinking about…I replied this time to my instinct with a deep voice.I was again trying to console myself that this Instinct has become mad, he is not liking that I will get closer to anyone but again the same question popped …Is she right? I mean ever I had done or tried anything which can certify her statement which was like you are trying to do something. No! I gave this answer to myself like a teacher had mistakenly pointed out the wrong student for that mistakes which he had not committed yet.So why she said like that, She can’t be wrong, this time my instinct wasn’t able to shut her mouth. Murmured yes, she is always right and you are always wrong . Ignore this fool what did he know about love, I was murmuring to console myself but this time Instinct shouted on me Yeh I am a fool and you are an excellent man!! Remember that afternoon when you were sitting in the lab of Mechatronics (a typical engineering subject) with her and during the conversation you had replied her that you will leave your lovely job in case she will get that job. And you are slamming me for that person who questioned on your character, integrity whom you didn’t love for her beauty, intelligence, you only loved her soul. The answer of that question which I was searching was so clear, but I didn’t like that instinct will win over me so I said can you please keep quiet for some moment.. leave me alone.I was trying to overcome with my instinct but inside the heart, i was knowing the fact that today I was looser in the eyes of both.One was that person who asked that question. No, why say *person * ??Are you afraid to take her name, instinct poked me, No I can name that person, sorry I mean that I can take her name but why should I tell you the name of that person whom I loved, I was replying with some embarrassment.What is happening to me ..?where is that fan which I was able to see clearly..? where is that dark room, I was surprised but there is someone at my door, Oh !! I picked my phone and tried to check the time oh! it’s 8:00 clock. My warden was on the door.I was surprised that is this dream or that was a dream.But this was clear when my warden shouted.” Are you not going to college today also “. Actually at 8:00 clock my college time begins.
– Ramkinkar das Tripathi
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* Special thanks to my friend Shubhali Raj for editing this story and removing my grammatical errors from this post.
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